MAN NOT WORKING
Today is my last workday for 2002. My supervisor came around about 6 weeks ago and told us to use up our vacation this year and not carry over anything into 2003. I scheduled three Fridays off in December, and everything after the 19th. Since this web log is primarily a vehicle for me to fill the yawning chasm that is often my workday, you probably won't be seeing many entries until January 2nd, unless I get a sudden inspiration of mild humorousness. To tide you over until then, here's a list of some of the things I will be doing for the next two weeks, courtesy of Thesaurus.com:
- Reclining in a somnolent state beyond the accustomed hour
- Perusing selected newsgroups for binary content of a delightful mien
- Slumbering in the post-meridian interval
- Procuring expeditiously prepared local cuisine from the comfort of my conveyance
- Engaging in ritual siestas
- Contemplating flickering images from a cathode ray tube
- Retiring in a punctual fashion
Happy days where you don't have to work, and stuff!
Wednesday, December 18, 2002
WATCH OUT, ANDY SULLIVAN
After several days of not mentioning the Crossbow Home Gym, Bowflex, Bitty Schram nude, Karen Grassle nude, or naked pictures of Simon Cowell, here are my page view stats:
Two people! I'm attributing this to the Christmas holidays coming up, the sagging ecomony, and Strom Thurmond's 100th birthday, among other things, and not, of course, to my complete lack of ideas.
Hey, I got a new watch! It has 6 different alarm settings, a stop watch, and can store up to 50 phone numbers! I'm still reading the manual to see if it can tell time. (Yes, I know I stole that joke from "Spy Kids 2". Leave me alone.)
After several days of not mentioning the Crossbow Home Gym, Bowflex, Bitty Schram nude, Karen Grassle nude, or naked pictures of Simon Cowell, here are my page view stats:
Two people! I'm attributing this to the Christmas holidays coming up, the sagging ecomony, and Strom Thurmond's 100th birthday, among other things, and not, of course, to my complete lack of ideas.
Hey, I got a new watch! It has 6 different alarm settings, a stop watch, and can store up to 50 phone numbers! I'm still reading the manual to see if it can tell time. (Yes, I know I stole that joke from "Spy Kids 2". Leave me alone.)
Tuesday, December 17, 2002
TO INFINITY, AND BEYOND!
Pretend President George W. Bush has ordered that the national missile defense system be put into operation. In a statement, Bush said his goal was to "protect our citizens against what is perhaps the greatest danger of all -- catastrophic harm that may result from hostile states or terrorist groups armed with weapons of mass destruction and the means to deliver them." The decision came despite last week's failure of an anti-missile test over the Pacific Ocean.
In related news, the President has also ordered the following systems be put into operation:
- The Ronald W. Reagan Memorial Perpetual Motion Machine. "All of our energy worries will be solved, as soon as our crack scientists in the Pentagon overcome the 2nd law of thermodynamics," said an excited Bush.
- The Henry Hyde Memorial Cold Fusion Reactor. "Well, you know, in case the Perpetual Motion Machine doesn't cut it," the President related.
- The Bob Barr Memorial Escher Building. "It'll be great for fitness buffs. You can walk up stairs all day and never go anywhere," added Mr. Bush.
(Yes, I was able to post my usual dreck after all. The safety meeting didn't last as long as I thought. Just remember, you can't get half-formed, ill-considered jokes as good as these anywhere else, so keep coming back!)
Pretend President George W. Bush has ordered that the national missile defense system be put into operation. In a statement, Bush said his goal was to "protect our citizens against what is perhaps the greatest danger of all -- catastrophic harm that may result from hostile states or terrorist groups armed with weapons of mass destruction and the means to deliver them." The decision came despite last week's failure of an anti-missile test over the Pacific Ocean.
In related news, the President has also ordered the following systems be put into operation:
- The Ronald W. Reagan Memorial Perpetual Motion Machine. "All of our energy worries will be solved, as soon as our crack scientists in the Pentagon overcome the 2nd law of thermodynamics," said an excited Bush.
- The Henry Hyde Memorial Cold Fusion Reactor. "Well, you know, in case the Perpetual Motion Machine doesn't cut it," the President related.
- The Bob Barr Memorial Escher Building. "It'll be great for fitness buffs. You can walk up stairs all day and never go anywhere," added Mr. Bush.
(Yes, I was able to post my usual dreck after all. The safety meeting didn't last as long as I thought. Just remember, you can't get half-formed, ill-considered jokes as good as these anywhere else, so keep coming back!)
SCARRED BY THE HELL
Well, miscellaneous Google searchers who clicked on the wrong link, I have a meeting, then a Christmas lunch, and then some emergency last-minute safety training this afternoon, so I won't have time to come up with my usual dreck. But here's a link to my on-line high school yearbook, so you can see what drove me to this life of cynical despair. I'm not going to tell you where to find me. You'll have to wade through all the bad haircuts yourself. Surfing tip: the 70's and 80's Italian afro guys (or as I like to call them, the 'Fro-meos) are good for some serious laughs.
Well, miscellaneous Google searchers who clicked on the wrong link, I have a meeting, then a Christmas lunch, and then some emergency last-minute safety training this afternoon, so I won't have time to come up with my usual dreck. But here's a link to my on-line high school yearbook, so you can see what drove me to this life of cynical despair. I'm not going to tell you where to find me. You'll have to wade through all the bad haircuts yourself. Surfing tip: the 70's and 80's Italian afro guys (or as I like to call them, the 'Fro-meos) are good for some serious laughs.
Monday, December 16, 2002
TOP TEN PROBLEMS TRENT LOTT WAS REFERRING TO WHEN HE SAID A STROM THURMOND PRESIDENCY WOULD HAVE AVOIDED "ALL THESE PROBLEMS":
10. No Strom Thurmond Airport
9. Rampant literacy
8. Christina Aguilera
7. "The 700 Club" not being on in prime time on every major network
6. No cock fighting on the White House lawn
5. Free speech
4. Indoor plumbing
3. High dues at the "Hair Club for Men"
2. "The George Lopez Show". Well, he has a good point there.
And the number one problem Trent Lott was referring to when he said a Strom Thurmond presidency would have avoided "all these problems" is:
1. Umm...duh!
10. No Strom Thurmond Airport
9. Rampant literacy
8. Christina Aguilera
7. "The 700 Club" not being on in prime time on every major network
6. No cock fighting on the White House lawn
5. Free speech
4. Indoor plumbing
3. High dues at the "Hair Club for Men"
2. "The George Lopez Show". Well, he has a good point there.
And the number one problem Trent Lott was referring to when he said a Strom Thurmond presidency would have avoided "all these problems" is:
1. Umm...duh!
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