SO I RANT, I RANT SO FAR AWAAAAY
I know the rant has got to be the most cliched type of post in the blogger world, but I can't stand it anymore:
What the flying fuck does "breezy" mean? The public radio station in Philadelphia, WHYY, gets its weather forecasts from the Franklin Institute. Nearly every goddamned day, they describe the weather as being "breezy". "Sunny, breezy, highs in the 50's...Milder, breezy, 30% chance of rain...turning breezy later, mostly cloudy, lows in the 30's". EVERY GODDAMNED DAY! Is breezy the same as windy? If it is, why not say "windy"? If it's not windy, then it must be less than windy. How much less? Where does windy become breezy? 5 mph? 10 mph? Is it the capriciousness of the wind as opposed to the speed? And if it is, why in the hell are they trying to describe the capriciousness of wind anyway?
Look, in scientific terms, the movement of air over the surface of the earth is called WIND. A breeze is a light wind of indeterminate speed and force, and is a word often used by fiction writers and poets. It is not to be used as a scientific term in a weather forecast, dammit! If you are going to mention the wind, tell me the expected speed of the wind and its expected prevailing direction. If you don't know, just say it is "variable". Saying it is breezy every fucking day is useless! It says nothing. It's just a meaningless word put in to take up space. STOP IT!
Thank you.
Friday, November 08, 2002
DUH!
So today on the Cassandra mailing list, some guy is asking, should his company go forward with Unix or Windows hardware, and one guy writes that his Sparc box has been running for 500 days, and this bonehead from Invensys tells him it couldn't be running 500 days because Solaris 2.5.1 has a bug in the lbolt where it reboots after 248 days, and then some other guy writes that Sun patched that years ago for Y2K, and he has the output from the uptime command to prove it, plus a link to the patch on Sun's website! Isn't that hilarious?*
*I am now going to kill myself for being such a loser.
So today on the Cassandra mailing list, some guy is asking, should his company go forward with Unix or Windows hardware, and one guy writes that his Sparc box has been running for 500 days, and this bonehead from Invensys tells him it couldn't be running 500 days because Solaris 2.5.1 has a bug in the lbolt where it reboots after 248 days, and then some other guy writes that Sun patched that years ago for Y2K, and he has the output from the uptime command to prove it, plus a link to the patch on Sun's website! Isn't that hilarious?*
*I am now going to kill myself for being such a loser.
Thursday, November 07, 2002
ODE ON A VENDOR LUNCH
with profuse apologies to John Keats, and all his descendants, and all his ancestors for that matter.
Thou still famish'd stomach of business,
Thou foster-child of boredom and slow time,
Sylvan meal, who canst thus express,
A paid-for tale more sweetly than our rhyme:
What onion-ring'd legend haunts about thy shape,
Of soups, or sandwiches or both?
In Bennigans, or the tables of Chili's
What waiters or waitresses are these? What hostesses loth?
What mad e-mails? What struggle to escape?
What drinks and desserts? What wild ecstasy?
O rotund shape! Fair Attitude! with brede
Of marbled beef and shrimp overstuffed,
With forest cake and salad weed,
Thou, sleepy form, dost tease us quite enough
As doth Eternity! Cold leftovers!
When old age doth this generation waste,
Thou shalt remain, in midst of working woe,
Than ours, a vendor man, to whom thou say'st,
"Beauty is Food, food beauty, -- that is all
Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know."
Thanks, Mike, for all the lunches.
with profuse apologies to John Keats, and all his descendants, and all his ancestors for that matter.
Thou still famish'd stomach of business,
Thou foster-child of boredom and slow time,
Sylvan meal, who canst thus express,
A paid-for tale more sweetly than our rhyme:
What onion-ring'd legend haunts about thy shape,
Of soups, or sandwiches or both?
In Bennigans, or the tables of Chili's
What waiters or waitresses are these? What hostesses loth?
What mad e-mails? What struggle to escape?
What drinks and desserts? What wild ecstasy?
O rotund shape! Fair Attitude! with brede
Of marbled beef and shrimp overstuffed,
With forest cake and salad weed,
Thou, sleepy form, dost tease us quite enough
As doth Eternity! Cold leftovers!
When old age doth this generation waste,
Thou shalt remain, in midst of working woe,
Than ours, a vendor man, to whom thou say'st,
"Beauty is Food, food beauty, -- that is all
Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know."
Thanks, Mike, for all the lunches.
Wednesday, November 06, 2002
JERRY HATHAWAY LIVES!
Check it out. The Crossbow Project is closer to reality than ever. All they have to do is attach that baby to the Space Station, and they're good to go. Watch out from above, Saddam!
Check it out. The Crossbow Project is closer to reality than ever. All they have to do is attach that baby to the Space Station, and they're good to go. Watch out from above, Saddam!
Tuesday, November 05, 2002
MEMO TO SELF: WEAR A CUP TO WORK
I just got back from a meeting introducing the employees to some of the new Vice Presidents. One of the new VP's is named Dick Severance. I am not making this up (If you've read my weblog, you'd know that I am not capable of making this up).
Man, this company means business!
I just got back from a meeting introducing the employees to some of the new Vice Presidents. One of the new VP's is named Dick Severance. I am not making this up (If you've read my weblog, you'd know that I am not capable of making this up).
Man, this company means business!
EVERY VOTE COUNTS (IF IT MANAGES TO GET COUNTED)
Today is Election Day, so I'll be trotting off to the polls after work. Let's have a look at my choices:
GOVERNOR OF PENNSYLVANIA
Democrat Ed Rendell, former mayor of Philadelphia, has a double-digit lead in the polls over his Republican opponent, Attorney General Mike Fisher. Rendell is running way ahead in the populous Philadelphia and Pittsburgh precincts, which usually far outpoll the rest of the state. We losers out here in the sticks couldn't swing this thing if we found naked pictures of Rendell with John Allen Muhammed. Fisher is toast.
U.S. HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES, 7th DISTRICT OF PENNSYLVANIA
Republican incumbent Curt Weldon is running against his usual token opposition. This time it's some lawyer named Peter Lennon. He'd have better name recognition if he changed his first name to John, but he still wouldn't win.
STATE SENATOR, 9th DISTRICT
Republican Dominic Pileggi is running against Democrat Thaddeus Kirkland and Independent Henry Detering. Kirkland and Detering have almost no prayer due to heavy Republican gerrymandering over the last, oh, 100 years. The map of District 9, like all the other districts around here, look like the sketches Charles Manson draws when he's off his Thorazine.
STATE REPRESENTATIVE, 160th DISTRICT
Republican Stephen Barrar is running unopposed. He's been celebrating for weeks now by stealing pension checks from old ladies.
THE USUAL GAGGLE OF JUDGESHIPS, COUNTY AND TOWN COUNCIL SEATS AND PROPOSITIONS
Who knows? I defy anyone to tell me where to locate this information short of standing in line at the county clerk's office. I guess I'll find out when I get in the voting booth, like I usually do. Speaking of which, my township still uses voting machines that were built around 1952. I'm thinking of writing in Dwight Eisenhower for every office. It seems only fitting.
Makes you feel so proud to be an American, doesn't it?
Today is Election Day, so I'll be trotting off to the polls after work. Let's have a look at my choices:
GOVERNOR OF PENNSYLVANIA
Democrat Ed Rendell, former mayor of Philadelphia, has a double-digit lead in the polls over his Republican opponent, Attorney General Mike Fisher. Rendell is running way ahead in the populous Philadelphia and Pittsburgh precincts, which usually far outpoll the rest of the state. We losers out here in the sticks couldn't swing this thing if we found naked pictures of Rendell with John Allen Muhammed. Fisher is toast.
U.S. HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES, 7th DISTRICT OF PENNSYLVANIA
Republican incumbent Curt Weldon is running against his usual token opposition. This time it's some lawyer named Peter Lennon. He'd have better name recognition if he changed his first name to John, but he still wouldn't win.
STATE SENATOR, 9th DISTRICT
Republican Dominic Pileggi is running against Democrat Thaddeus Kirkland and Independent Henry Detering. Kirkland and Detering have almost no prayer due to heavy Republican gerrymandering over the last, oh, 100 years. The map of District 9, like all the other districts around here, look like the sketches Charles Manson draws when he's off his Thorazine.
STATE REPRESENTATIVE, 160th DISTRICT
Republican Stephen Barrar is running unopposed. He's been celebrating for weeks now by stealing pension checks from old ladies.
THE USUAL GAGGLE OF JUDGESHIPS, COUNTY AND TOWN COUNCIL SEATS AND PROPOSITIONS
Who knows? I defy anyone to tell me where to locate this information short of standing in line at the county clerk's office. I guess I'll find out when I get in the voting booth, like I usually do. Speaking of which, my township still uses voting machines that were built around 1952. I'm thinking of writing in Dwight Eisenhower for every office. It seems only fitting.
Makes you feel so proud to be an American, doesn't it?
Monday, November 04, 2002
SCENES FROM LAST NIGHT'S "SOPRANOS" IF HBO HAD MERGED WITH ANOTHER NETWORK
This is the latest in a series here at TCP presenting extra scenes from last night's episode of "The Sopranos" that would have been shown if HBO had merged with another network. This week's network is FOX.
SCENE: Paulie visits his childhood friend, who is the principal at a high school.
EXTRA SCENE: In a scene written by David E. Kelley, we learn more about the high school. It's an inner city school where the kids are all tough, but with hearts of gold, one of the teachers is Fyvush Finkel, and all the rest of the teachers are young and extremely good looking.
SCENE: Paulie's enforcers chase the school principal down the hallway.
EXTRA SCENE: This is only one scene of an hour-long episode of "When Mob Goons Attack".
SCENE: Tony has an afternoon fling with Ralphie's new girlfriend, Valentina.
EXTRA SCENE: Later, in another scene written by David E. Kelley, Valentina becomes anorexic and imagines Ralphie dancing naked with a dildo up his ass to the beginning of "Hooked On A Feeling".
SCENE: Tony, Paulie, and Silvio are having dinner with their goomahs.
EXTRA SCENE: In still yet another scene written by David E. Kelley*, the three mobster girlfriends are really lawyers who live together in a palatial apartment and pout a lot while wearing their underwear.
SCENE: Tony sings a passage from the song "Eclipse" from Pink Floyd's "Dark Side Of The Moon" to himself in the shower.
EXTRA SCENE: Paula Abdul lavishes praise, but Simon Cowell calls it the most wretched performance by the most disgusting pile of blubber he's ever seen, whereupon Tony shoves a .45 in Simon's mouth and blows his brains out.
*I can't even come up with a weblog entry this weekend, and this guy has three TV shows going. And he's married to Michelle Pfeiffer. Oh how I hate him so.
NEXT WEEK'S NETWORK: MSNBC
This is the latest in a series here at TCP presenting extra scenes from last night's episode of "The Sopranos" that would have been shown if HBO had merged with another network. This week's network is FOX.
SCENE: Paulie visits his childhood friend, who is the principal at a high school.
EXTRA SCENE: In a scene written by David E. Kelley, we learn more about the high school. It's an inner city school where the kids are all tough, but with hearts of gold, one of the teachers is Fyvush Finkel, and all the rest of the teachers are young and extremely good looking.
SCENE: Paulie's enforcers chase the school principal down the hallway.
EXTRA SCENE: This is only one scene of an hour-long episode of "When Mob Goons Attack".
SCENE: Tony has an afternoon fling with Ralphie's new girlfriend, Valentina.
EXTRA SCENE: Later, in another scene written by David E. Kelley, Valentina becomes anorexic and imagines Ralphie dancing naked with a dildo up his ass to the beginning of "Hooked On A Feeling".
SCENE: Tony, Paulie, and Silvio are having dinner with their goomahs.
EXTRA SCENE: In still yet another scene written by David E. Kelley*, the three mobster girlfriends are really lawyers who live together in a palatial apartment and pout a lot while wearing their underwear.
SCENE: Tony sings a passage from the song "Eclipse" from Pink Floyd's "Dark Side Of The Moon" to himself in the shower.
EXTRA SCENE: Paula Abdul lavishes praise, but Simon Cowell calls it the most wretched performance by the most disgusting pile of blubber he's ever seen, whereupon Tony shoves a .45 in Simon's mouth and blows his brains out.
*I can't even come up with a weblog entry this weekend, and this guy has three TV shows going. And he's married to Michelle Pfeiffer. Oh how I hate him so.
NEXT WEEK'S NETWORK: MSNBC
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)