JUST HELPING OUT
Remember, everyone, tomorrow is the end of Daylight Savings Time, so turn your clocks back! This year, of course, due to war restrictions, Department of The Homeland Bill Ridge has asked us to turn the clocks back 2 hours, to help save on foreign oil imports. So Spring Back everybody!!! And make sure to check the batteries in your George Foreman grill, just in case.
Friday, April 04, 2003
DESPERATION HAS SET IN
Ok, I'm so hard up for blog fodder, I've resorted to the Friday Five. However, I'm going to let Iraqi Information Minister Muhammad Said al-Sahhaf answer the questions for me.
1. How many houses/apartments have you lived in throughout your life?
"The Infidels will perish if they continue to occupy our land. Allah has allowed us glorious victories in this marvelous jihad."
2. Which was your favorite and why?
"We will continue until utter defeat of the evil invaders has been completed. Allah is great."
3. Do you find moving house more exciting or stressful? Why?
"Our great and glorious leader, Saddam Hussein, has decreed that all Iraqis should fight in the streets to repel the hordes of vile zionists."
4. What's more important, location or price?
"Allah has given us favor on the battefield, and he will continue to shine on us."
5. What features does your dream house have (pool, spa bath, big yard, etc.)?
"Oh, I'd like a nice Corian countertop, and possibly a humidor. Allah is great."
Ok, I'm so hard up for blog fodder, I've resorted to the Friday Five. However, I'm going to let Iraqi Information Minister Muhammad Said al-Sahhaf answer the questions for me.
1. How many houses/apartments have you lived in throughout your life?
"The Infidels will perish if they continue to occupy our land. Allah has allowed us glorious victories in this marvelous jihad."
2. Which was your favorite and why?
"We will continue until utter defeat of the evil invaders has been completed. Allah is great."
3. Do you find moving house more exciting or stressful? Why?
"Our great and glorious leader, Saddam Hussein, has decreed that all Iraqis should fight in the streets to repel the hordes of vile zionists."
4. What's more important, location or price?
"Allah has given us favor on the battefield, and he will continue to shine on us."
5. What features does your dream house have (pool, spa bath, big yard, etc.)?
"Oh, I'd like a nice Corian countertop, and possibly a humidor. Allah is great."
Thursday, April 03, 2003
IF IT DOESN'T WORK FOR US, MAKE IT WORK AGAINST THEM
Once again, because there are tumbleweeds rolling through the space where ideas should be coming from, more e-mail from Texas:
This one is particularly salient, because the conservatives here took their own insipid slogan from the War on Drugs, which failed utterly and is still failing every day, and turned it against everyone's favorite loony leftist, as if Martin Sheen is any threat to the Christian Right Drive for Hegemony. Next up: Don Rumsfeld vs. Ed Begley, Jr.!
Once again, because there are tumbleweeds rolling through the space where ideas should be coming from, more e-mail from Texas:
This one is particularly salient, because the conservatives here took their own insipid slogan from the War on Drugs, which failed utterly and is still failing every day, and turned it against everyone's favorite loony leftist, as if Martin Sheen is any threat to the Christian Right Drive for Hegemony. Next up: Don Rumsfeld vs. Ed Begley, Jr.!
IT'S JUST A DUMB MOVIE REFERENCE, PEOPLE!
This is not what I had in mind.
Sorry for not posting much lately. It's a combination of anticipation of a business trip next week, some actual work going on here, and, uh, a complete lack of ideas. And war overload. And the baseball season starting. And the realization that, maybe, just maybe, I'm not the only person with an allegedly snarky web log, and that most people who stop by here are looking for information on the CROSSBOW HOME GYM or KAREN GRASSLE NUDE!!!! Had to get that in. By the way, it's highly debatable whether Karen Grassle even showers in the nude, let alone has her photo taken so that it can posted on the Internet, so, you know, what the fuck is wrong with you morons?
That is all.
This is not what I had in mind.
Sorry for not posting much lately. It's a combination of anticipation of a business trip next week, some actual work going on here, and, uh, a complete lack of ideas. And war overload. And the baseball season starting. And the realization that, maybe, just maybe, I'm not the only person with an allegedly snarky web log, and that most people who stop by here are looking for information on the CROSSBOW HOME GYM or KAREN GRASSLE NUDE!!!! Had to get that in. By the way, it's highly debatable whether Karen Grassle even showers in the nude, let alone has her photo taken so that it can posted on the Internet, so, you know, what the fuck is wrong with you morons?
That is all.
Monday, March 31, 2003
BYE, JINGO?
Much to my delight and surprise, everyone acted like perfect gentlemen and ladies, and when Meunier-Lebouc unexpectedly outdueled Sorenstam and brought a two-shot lead to the final hole, the gallery at the 18th, mostly consisting of corporate executives, old geezers, and various other People of Ungodly Wealth, i.e., Republicans, stood and cheered as the final group walked past. After Meunier-Lebouc finally tapped in the winning putt, once again the crowd exulted, and then urged the French champion to uphold the long tradition of jumping into the pond near the final green. After signing her scorecard, Patricia, along with her husband and her caddy, merrily obliged, and the throng once more cheered the soaking wet winner. It was a terrific scene and made for great television. For a brief moment, I was proud of the American sports spectator, who had put aside feelings of nationalism, the fighting in Iraq, and the diplomatic situation with our ally, France, and had given this French citizen her due as the winner of this prestigious championship with all the fervor they could muster.
But then, I realized, they mostly wanted to see if her nipples would show through her blouse.
And after that, I realized, so did I. They didn't. So I switched over to the NCAA basketball tournament to check out the cheerleaders.
As I do many Sundays, I parked in front of the television watching sports yesterday. There was a full bill of fare, including the men's college basketball tournament, the Players Championship golf tournament, and the first major championship of the Women's golf tour this season, the Kraft Nabisco Championship. The Kraft Nabisco Championship particularly intrigued me for two reasons, one being the presence of the 6-foot tall, 13-year-old Michelle Wie, who can outdrive all the adult women on the tour, and the expected battle between two-time defending champion Annika Sorenstam and the Frenchwoman Patricia Meunier-Lebouc. I watched the final pairing of Sorenstam and Meunier-Lebouc very closely, looking to see if any of the yokels in the crowd would give the Frenchwoman a hard time. This was, after all, Rancho Mirage, CA, near Palm Springs, also known as the place that elected Sonny Bono to Congress.
Much to my delight and surprise, everyone acted like perfect gentlemen and ladies, and when Meunier-Lebouc unexpectedly outdueled Sorenstam and brought a two-shot lead to the final hole, the gallery at the 18th, mostly consisting of corporate executives, old geezers, and various other People of Ungodly Wealth, i.e., Republicans, stood and cheered as the final group walked past. After Meunier-Lebouc finally tapped in the winning putt, once again the crowd exulted, and then urged the French champion to uphold the long tradition of jumping into the pond near the final green. After signing her scorecard, Patricia, along with her husband and her caddy, merrily obliged, and the throng once more cheered the soaking wet winner. It was a terrific scene and made for great television. For a brief moment, I was proud of the American sports spectator, who had put aside feelings of nationalism, the fighting in Iraq, and the diplomatic situation with our ally, France, and had given this French citizen her due as the winner of this prestigious championship with all the fervor they could muster.
But then, I realized, they mostly wanted to see if her nipples would show through her blouse.
And after that, I realized, so did I. They didn't. So I switched over to the NCAA basketball tournament to check out the cheerleaders.
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