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I'd just like to say, it's about time I started getting my due as one of the Funk Brothers.
Friday, November 15, 2002
TIN SOLDIERS AND QAEDA'S COMIN'
In this episode of "Whistling Past the Graveyard", we look at the recent FBI warning that Al Qaeda is planning some "spectacular" terrorist attacks on such things as, um, OIL REFINERIES. For those of you who may not be aware, I work at an ... OIL REFINERY. To allay my anxiety, I've come up with a few ways to recognize Al Qaeda members should they be lurking about.
- Vendor with a Dunkin Donuts box in the shape of a hand-held grenade launcher.
- Dinghy filled with Middle Eastern guys pulls up to the ship dock looking to have their gas tank "topped off".
- 18-wheeled Ryder rental truck making emergency delivery of ammonia fertilizer and fuel oil.
- American Airlines flight 2785, close enough that I can read the in-flight magazine.
-The new IT guy from Saudi Arabia, Ibrahim .
In this episode of "Whistling Past the Graveyard", we look at the recent FBI warning that Al Qaeda is planning some "spectacular" terrorist attacks on such things as, um, OIL REFINERIES. For those of you who may not be aware, I work at an ... OIL REFINERY. To allay my anxiety, I've come up with a few ways to recognize Al Qaeda members should they be lurking about.
- Vendor with a Dunkin Donuts box in the shape of a hand-held grenade launcher.
- Dinghy filled with Middle Eastern guys pulls up to the ship dock looking to have their gas tank "topped off".
- 18-wheeled Ryder rental truck making emergency delivery of ammonia fertilizer and fuel oil.
- American Airlines flight 2785, close enough that I can read the in-flight magazine.
-
Monday, November 11, 2002
SCENES FROM LAST NIGHT'S "SOPRANOS" IF HBO HAD MERGED WITH ANOTHER NETWORK
This is the latest in a series here at TCP presenting extra scenes from last night's episode of "The Sopranos" that would have been shown if HBO had merged with another network. This week's network is MSNBC.
SCENE: Ralphie's son get shot accidentally with an arrow.
EXTRA SCENE: HBO/MSNBC Investigates does an hour on bow and arrow safety, repeated for the next two years, which nobody watches.
SCENE: Ralphie snubs Paulie at the Bada Bing.
EXTRA SCENE: Ralphie and Paulie appear on Hardball to resolve their dispute, but are drowned out by Chris Matthews, waxing rhapsodic about his Irish Catholic upbringing, to the point where Ralphie and Paulie both shoot him.
SCENE: Ralphie's horse is killed in an electrical fire.
EXTRA SCENE: HBO/MSNBC Investigates does an hour on electrical safety which is repeated for 3 years, which absolutely nobody ever watches. (I have a lot of balls making fun of MSNBC's ratings considering I usually get 4 accidental hits a day from people looking for information on the Crossbow Home Gym.)
SCENE: Tony kills Ralphie, and Christopher rips the toupee off Ralphie's head while preparing the body for being "disappeared".
EXTRA SCENE: Ashleigh Banfield appears to give the toupee a treatment with L'Oreal Candlelit Golden Brown to help Ralphie stay inconspicuous in the afterlife.
NEXT WEEK'S NETWORK: HGTV
This is the latest in a series here at TCP presenting extra scenes from last night's episode of "The Sopranos" that would have been shown if HBO had merged with another network. This week's network is MSNBC.
SCENE: Ralphie's son get shot accidentally with an arrow.
EXTRA SCENE: HBO/MSNBC Investigates does an hour on bow and arrow safety, repeated for the next two years, which nobody watches.
SCENE: Ralphie snubs Paulie at the Bada Bing.
EXTRA SCENE: Ralphie and Paulie appear on Hardball to resolve their dispute, but are drowned out by Chris Matthews, waxing rhapsodic about his Irish Catholic upbringing, to the point where Ralphie and Paulie both shoot him.
SCENE: Ralphie's horse is killed in an electrical fire.
EXTRA SCENE: HBO/MSNBC Investigates does an hour on electrical safety which is repeated for 3 years, which absolutely nobody ever watches. (I have a lot of balls making fun of MSNBC's ratings considering I usually get 4 accidental hits a day from people looking for information on the Crossbow Home Gym.)
SCENE: Tony kills Ralphie, and Christopher rips the toupee off Ralphie's head while preparing the body for being "disappeared".
EXTRA SCENE: Ashleigh Banfield appears to give the toupee a treatment with L'Oreal Candlelit Golden Brown to help Ralphie stay inconspicuous in the afterlife.
NEXT WEEK'S NETWORK: HGTV
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