GOOGLE IS GOOD, BUT NOT THAT GOOD

Actual referral from my referrals page:



I understand the sentiment, dude, but really, how is Google going to know who your sister-in-law is? Names, we need names! Try again, and let me know how it goes.

TOP TEN NEW HONG KONG TOURISM SLOGAN IDEAS

Hong Kong recently had to scrap plans to introduce their new tourism slogan, "Hong Kong Takes Your Breath Away" in light of the SARS epidemic. Here's what they've come up with so far as a replacement:

10. That Surgical Mask Becomes You!

9. Come To The Hacking, Phlegming, Aching, Fevery Jewel Of The Orient

8. Visit For The Scenery, Stay For The Hospitals

7. A Vacation To Remember...If You Live

6. All The Codeine You Want!

5. What Better Place To Get Quarantined?

4. Chow Yun Fat and Jackie Chan Dare You To Visit, You Bunch Of Wussies

3. Only a 5% Death Rate, Better Than The Bronx

2. Make Medical History!

And the Number 1 new Hong Kong tourism slogan idea is:

1. Hong Kong: Flu-ey!!!!

NEO NAZI

I can't tell if I hate everything having to do with The Matrix Reloaded, or if it's just the machines controlling my brain that are making me think I do.

JOAN OF DORK

Speaking of music, what is the deal with this new Joan Armatrading song, "Lovers Speak"? The lyrics read "I want to learn the language of love/ I want to learn how to flirt". Jeez, Joan, how old are you anyway? You have to be over 50. You're a Member of the Freakin' British Empire for crying out loud. You really ought to get out more. My wife used to teach 7th and 8th grade girls in South Philly who were juggling a half dozen boyfriends each, maybe you can ask them.

MUSIC TO SOOTHE THE SAVAGE CONSUMER

Recently, I've noticed that nearly every time I go to the grocery store, or the mall, or to a sporting event, invariably, I will hear a song which is on a CD that I actually own. For the first few times, this was quite pleasing. "Hey," I would say to my wife, "they're playing the BoDeans, from 'Home'! I own that. How cool is that?" Then, something finally occurred to me. The world is not suddenly catching up to my hip musical esthetic. What's happening is, I am getting old. The music I liked when I was young is now so completely vanilla and unthreatening that it's being played to general audiences to put them in a positive mood so that they will buy things.

So later, I bought an iPod and stored my entire CD collection on it so I could listen to it while at the gym, and ever since, I can't stop buying more stuff. Stuff I don't even need, too, like a wi-fi card for the PocketPC I never use, and the Odd Todd Handbook. I've even memorized my Discover card number. You know, I really think I've stumbled on to a marketing bonanza here. If I can get people to listen to my iPod for an hour, they'll buy anything! Now I just need to market my CD collection to different retail outlets and ask for a percentage of the increased sales, and I'll be a wealthy man. Then I can finally get that Sharper Image Coca-Cola Wurlitzer Nostalgic Soda Machine I've had my eye on.

THAT'S GOOD EATIN'

No hilarious blog entry today. Not that there ever is. Anyway, I spent most of the day explaining to a sales rep that our business is probably irretrievably lost to his competition, and that I didn't make the decision, and that the guy who made the decision hates his company. And he bought me lunch. So, it was a pretty good day.

For more on my feelings on vendor lunches, click here.