BUH BYE

It's snowing like the end times here in the Delaware Valley, so the refinery manager has declared that all non-essential personnel can go home for the day.

God, I love being non-essential!

LIKE SANDS THROUGH THE HOURGLASS

I'm taking tomorrow off, so today is my Friday! In New Zealand, it's Friday already, so there, yesterday would have been my Friday. Meaning my Wednesday here would have been my Friday there, had I traveled to New Zealand. Taking it a step further, tomorrow, Friday, which is my Saturday, it would have already been my Sunday there, which is my Saturday here, but in reality, it's Friday for everyone else, except in New Zealand, where it's Saturday. And Saturday here, which is my Sunday, is already Sunday there. Sunday, which is also my Sunday and everybody else's Sunday, is Monday there, so if I had traveled to New Zealand on Sunday, it would be like I never had a day off to begin with, even though I took Friday off, which was my Saturday. And of course, if I returned home on Monday there, it would still be Sunday here, so I would have to go to work the next day, meaning I would have 2 consecutive Mondays. But I'm taking next Friday off also, so next Monday is actually my next Tuesday.

It's a good thing I'm not going to New Zealand.

SHAMELESS PROMOTION

I'm going to be gone to an off-site meeting all day (and I am completely bereft of anything to say whatsoever), so I figured I'd use this entry to attract more traffic.

CROSSBOW HOME GYM CROSSBOW HOME GYM CROSSBOW HOME GYM CROSSBOW HOME GYM
CROSSBOW HOME GYM CROSSBOW HOME GYM CROSSBOW HOME GYM CROSSBOW HOME GYM
CROSSBOW HOME GYM CROSSBOW HOME GYM CROSSBOW HOME GYM CROSSBOW HOME GYM
BOWFLEX BOWFLEX BOWFLEX BOWFLEX BOWFLEX BOWFLEX BOWFLEX BOWFLEX BOWFLEX BOWFLEX BOWFLEX
BOWFLEX BOWFLEX BOWFLEX BOWFLEX BOWFLEX BOWFLEX BOWFLEX BOWFLEX BOWFLEX BOWFLEX BOWFLEX
BOWFLEX BOWFLEX BOWFLEX BOWFLEX BOWFLEX BOWFLEX BOWFLEX BOWFLEX BOWFLEX BOWFLEX BOWFLEX

And for those using the Google image search:





Oh, and here are links to the real sites.
Crossbow
Bowflex

And please, buy one of these and use it if you currently go to my gym. Because if you go to my gym now, I most assuredly hate your guts and my life would be so much better if you stopped coming.

But seriously, steroids are the way to go if you want to look like those guys in the pictures.

ISN'T THAT SPECIAL?

I finally broke down and purchased the DVD of "Real Genius". I watched it last night, hence the cosmetic changes to the site. The DVD comes with the following "special features": English, German, and Spanish subtitles, scene selection, and trailers for the movies "Hook" and "Jumanji"(?). No director commentary, no outtakes, no deleted scenes, no "Making of" short, absolutely nothing that a fan who is buying this DVD might actually want. Thanks, Columbia Tri-Star Home Video! Way to market that baby! Of course, I and many others bought it without all that stuff, so they probably saved a fortune.

Favorite forgotten line: (Jerry Hathaway) "The colon. What does it look like?"

WHERE'S THE MAFIA WHEN YOU NEED IT?

Excuse me, there's something I have to do.

I HATE THAT FUCKING COMMERCIAL WHERE THE IDIOT SCREAMS AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS IN ST. MARK'S SQUARE THAT HE LOVES HIS WIFE AND THEN HE GIVES HER A DIAMOND! I FUCKING HATE IT!

I sincerely hope everyone responsible for this ad got a gondola pole stuck up their ass before they left Venice.

SCENES FROM LAST NIGHT'S "SOPRANOS" IF HBO HAD MERGED WITH ANOTHER NETWORK

This is the latest in a series here at TCP presenting extra scenes from last night's episode of "The Sopranos" that would have been shown if HBO had merged with another network. This week's network is ESPN.

SCENE: A truck carrying a giant inflatable rat drives up and the Union President announces that the Esplanade job has been shut down.

EXTRA SCENE: The inflatable rat appears in a SportsCenter commercial with Al Davis. Al sues ESPN for $1 billion.

SCENE: Paulie Walnuts introduces himself to New York Boss Carmine, who has no idea who he is.

EXTRA SCENE: NFL Films is on hand to document Paulie's combination of fear, shock and embarrassment from six different angles and replay it in slow motion for decades to come, complete with Ron Jaworski's in-depth analysis.

SCENE: Meadow and Carmela dispute whether "Billy Budd" is a piece of gay fiction.

EXTRA SCENE: Stuart Scott does a post-fight interview. Carmela tells him if he calls her "dawg" one more time, she's going to rip his lungs out and bake them into a mostaccioli.

SCENE: Paulie breaks in to his mother's friend's house to steal the money under her mattress. He proceeds to suffocate her with a pillow when she walks in on him.

EXTRA SCENE: Paulie finishes first in the "Old Lady Snuff" during the "World's Strongest Mobster" competition.

NEXT WEEK'S NETWORK: MTV